


But I Swear I Won't Forget You

by Lyssala



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fear, Friendship, Lost Love, Memories, Regret, Separations, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-23 03:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13779081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyssala/pseuds/Lyssala
Summary: Three separated friends must face the reality of their situations alone. Each in their own dream like existence but always thinking of the other, wishing they could fix their mistakes, undo the past, and simply be together again.A three shot fic each with a different perspective from the Wayfinder trio as they struggle through their 12 years apart.





	1. Terra

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, Lyssa, maybe you should calm down and stop opening up a million stories. I PROBABLY SHOULD BUT ALAS here I am. This one is fairly short in my defense. 
> 
> Okay so this is actually the very first thing I ever wrote for Kingdom Hearts but I was too nervous to publish it haha But I kept it cause I really did wanna come back to these since I enjoyed feeling dumping into this set as a very new fan with all these emotions I didn’t know how to handle (which I mean hasn’t changed lol) So when I saw it was a week for my best boy and one of the prompts lined up fairly well, I knew it was time to start sharing this set! This is for the last day of terraweek, Wounds/Scars.
> 
> I got this idea when I was explaining the characters to someone I realized all three of them were in sleep like dream worlds so to speak. So I wanted to do a small set from each perspective and the things they may feel based on character development or just headcanons I may’ve devised. Terra and Aqua as a pair are present in all three (the most present in hers) but over all it does focus on the friendship of the three. (The original notes for this were along the lines of “oh god how did this happen, what am I doing, how can I feel so much for this series,” as I spiraled down into hell LOL) The title is from “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City.

It was a lot like sleeping. Sometimes there was nothing, and sometimes there were dreams; on the worst occurrences there were nightmares.

Terra wasn’t asleep though. He wouldn’t wake up and find himself in his familiar bed, the moon shining in through the window, one of two pairs of blue eyes peering into his room seeking some form of comfort from their own nightmares. He had already come to terms that those particular things would probably never happen again; as much as that was his own nightmare.

He didn’t even know where he was. Whenever he tried to work it out, it only led to more questions he couldn’t answer. He didn’t know where he was, how long he was there for, or if he could even consider himself actually himself anymore. It was like he was floating in some odd limbo where sometimes it was so dark, so heavy, he barely wanted to keep going. Those were the times the nightmares were the worst.

Sometimes he saw people he didn’t know suffering in front of him, eyes looking out of a body he couldn’t control. Someone else’s voice spoke from his lips, someone else’s feelings of power and the sickeningly sweet call of the darkness covered Terra. No matter how hard he fought he couldn’t budge.

Sometimes he saw people he did know, which was worse. They were never happy to see him and though he knew, he knew he was happy to see them he never felt it. It happened the same way every time; he was confronted, they fought, and he struck them down. He’d walk away without a passing glance to the two bodies on the floor, the smaller one next to the one whose blue hair covered her face. It was the worst sorts of agony, deepest kind of guilt when that voice wouldn’t stop echoing that it was his fault, all of it was his fault.

Terra didn’t know if he’d survive if that’s all his existence became but thankfully the reprieve came when the darkness wasn’t quite as dark, when he felt stronger, when he could hear her voice calling out his name. Sometimes it was soft, just a lingering but warm presence that kept him company even though he knew she was far beyond his reach. Sometimes it was so loud he thought she was right there. Those were the times he felt the most alive, where he could push past the dark block in his head and regain some form of control.

It didn’t always work. Sometimes he could see her but she couldn’t see him, sometimes she could see him but he couldn’t communicate with her before he was pushed back. Sometimes, though rarely, he could speak to her, he could warn her, he could help her before being thrown back into his nonexistence only to lose track of time once more.

There were times when he wasn’t alone, where he walked through his old home and saw visions of memories float around him. Dreams. They were still just dreams but Terra found he looked forward to them the most. Those times he could almost feel the sun on his face, the warm breeze as he walked. Sometimes they were painfully short and sometimes he got to indulge himself even though he knew they weren’t real.

He hoped this time he could stay.

The sun was starting to set in the distance, making the clouds a smoky sort of purple mixed with oranges and reds. Terra always stood there for a second, hoping beyond all reason he’d hear the voice of his master, the kind words, the quiet chuckle but it never happened. Terra was never sure if it was because he had no right to look on the face of the man who was always like a father to him, or just another cruel trick of his mind.

He sighed. At least he knew where he was. He was just about to walk down the nearby stone steps, the ones he knew led over to a ledge above some of the nearby cliffs but the tree branch near him shook, making a bird fly out up towards the sky.

Terra looked to see if a creature or something was about to jump out in front of him but instead he saw one leg dangling over, another propped up on the branch. He could almost see golden blond hair shining in the sun, bright blue eyes scanning over the pages of whatever book was snuck out of the library this time.

He tried very hard to never speak their names in here, like it would taint their very presence, like it would draw them in where they could be hurt. Sometimes it was just so hard though.

“Ven.”

The name rolled off Terra’s tongue bringing a sense of comfort, of family. When the blond head of hair popped into sight, wide smile on his face it was both welcoming and painful as it always was. Terra knew wherever Ven really was he was safe; she’d always make sure of it.

“Hey, there you are,” he said.

Terra wondered if there would be a time he wouldn’t remember what their voices sounded like, if their faces would fade into blurs. He dreaded a day like that, but for now they were crystal clear, just as he always remembered them. “You don’t look like you were looking for me,” he said, gesturing to the book in Ven’s hands.

A sheepish look crossed his face. “Well, I, you know…”

“Were off in your own world,” Terra said, not resisting the way a smile pulled at his lips. It didn’t happen very often anymore. “Where were you this time?”

Ven held up the book though Terra couldn’t make out the title. “There’s so many different worlds out there. Do you think we can see all of them?”

It wasn’t a strange request but Terra felt a twinge of guilt. Was it wrong to lie to someone who wasn’t really there even if you desperately wanted them to be? “Sure,” he said. “Course we can.”

“All of us?”

“Yeah,” Terra said, though his throat felt dry. Sometimes he could pretend he didn’t remember everything that happened, everything he did and said but other times it was easy to remember how much he blamed himself for what happened, that he left them alone with no other choice. “All of us.”

Ven seemed satisfied with the answer before pointing one hand off towards the cliff. “She went that way last time I saw her.”

Terra didn’t bother to acknowledge that’s who he was looking for in the first place. “Thanks,” he said instead, giving the blond a wave before heading back down the stairs.

“You’re welcome!” Ven called back but his voice was already so distant, like it was fading right into the wind.

 Terra didn’t look behind him but he had a feeling if he did nothing would be there anymore. Instead he kept walking one of the many familiar paths of his home. He had a feeling it didn’t look like this anymore, but it was how his memory would always remember it.

The sun was still setting, though he wondered if it would be stuck in a never ending sunset or if he stayed long enough would he see the bright stars they used to stare up at as kids. Either would be okay, if it meant he could stay.

He didn’t see her at first and he thought his mind was just being cruel again but the farther he walked, the more her still silhouette stood out against the green grass she was sitting in. Even though her back was to him she looked the same as he remembered. He supposed so did he, though he felt a little younger, a little freer.

She didn’t look at him but he could tell by the way her shoulders relaxed she knew he was there. She always carried her tension up in her shoulders, around her neck. It wasn’t very noticeable for that fact but he knew.

“What’re you doing out here?” he asked.

She turned her head, a small smile on her lips, the light of the sun reflecting in her eyes, on her face. “Waiting for you.”

That’s usually what she said, something along those lines. While Terra’s interactions with Ven tended to differ in Terra’s dreams, when he spoke to her it was always similar.

He walked over, easing himself down into the grass next to her before kicking his legs out in front of him. Hers were tucked underneath her but he could almost see where they would’ve come up short next to his. It wasn’t always that way; there was a time when she was taller than him. It was a silly thing to remember but it shot a jolt of pain through his heart.

It was quiet, only the sound of the nearby stream crackling along, a few birds and the night bugs starting to make noise. Terra glanced over at her, desperately wanting to say her name, like it connected him with her somehow but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let it go.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead.

She didn’t look too surprised or bothered by it. “For what?”

“Everything,” he breathed, eyes staring out over the cliffs, to the sky. The words he wanted to say but had no way to. Sometimes it made him feel better to admit them here and sometimes it made him just feel more hopeless. “It’s all my fault.”

“It absolutely is not.” Her voice was firm, like it was whenever she was mad at him.

 When he looked over at her, she didn’t look upset just maybe a little sad. It made his heart clench.

“It’s all of us. We all played a part. You don’t always have to take the blame for us.” She reached her hand between them, palm open to him. “You don’t always have to let the weight of the world sit on your shoulders, Terra. We’re here for you too.”

It was almost a reflex to reach his hand down, lacing his fingers with hers. Her hand seemed so small in his; fragile almost even though he knew her and knew that was absolutely was not the case. She’d always been tough as nails from the moment they met, just kids with knobby knees and idealistic dreams. Maybe that was how he saw her sometimes, like she was glass that would shatter if he touched her.

She sighed, the one she did whenever she was content and even though he knew it wasn’t real, it wasn’t really her it still made a smile pull at his lips. She leaned over to lean her head against his shoulder, and he knew this really was just a dream. They were never that affectionate with each other, at least, not past a certain age. He was never sure what happened; when the hand holding, the sitting close together, laying in the grass after training, sneaking into each other’s rooms late at night when the nightmares were too bad, when it all stopped. Terra always wanted to ask but he could never find the courage to open that door; maybe he was too scared to know what would happen if he did.

It wasn’t the first time he regretted the way he behaved and the things he left unsaid.

“Aqua,” he murmured, not a question or even a statement, just her name, soft and familiar on his lips. Like Ven’s it was comforting but in a different sort of way. Terra closed his eyes, taking in a small breath that hitched in his throat.

She hummed in response but didn’t say anything.

Terra tightened his grip on her hand but he knew it was already starting. Where the air once smelt like the sweet smell of vanilla mixed with warmth of the ocean, was nothing. Her body against him was starting to go cold.

No, he wanted to call out. Please, no, just a little bit longer. It was no use though and he knew it. His home was fading around him and then she was gone.

Nothing back to just nothing.

It hurt just as much as it always did to remember he was alone, wherever the hell he was he was alone. It wasn’t even that thought which got him so much. No matter how many dreams he had, no matter how many nightmares it still wasn’t them. No matter how real it felt to have them near him, it still wasn’t them. They’d never hear his words. He didn’t even know if he’d ever see them again, if he’d ever even be himself again.

They were just dreams, hauntings. He could never let them know how much he missed them, how much they meant to him. No matter how long this had been going on, that was the hardest pill of them to swallow.


	2. Ventus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Terra/Aqua (are mentioned/implied but its more brot3 with Ven), Kingdom Hearts  
> Setting: Any time from the end of Birth by Sleep to before III   
> Rating: K  
> Words: 2053

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was unusual to write haha Mainly cause while Ven is probably the safest out of the three, he’s also in someone’s heart and how do you even begin to write what that would be like LMAO I did it so he was aware of being somewhere but unsure where and since in the 3 trailer its fairly likely he’s aware to some point when Vanitas showed up. Ven’s a little like Terra in that Ven’s kinda jumbled mess too; thanks to his bond with Aqua and Terra he’s still connected with them but also with Sora and Roxas to an extent so I had it so Ven could see some of the things they could even if he didn’t know what was going on. His was the hardest hahaha but it was fun to explore ^^

Ven didn’t know where he was.

Most of the time there was nothing, just endless darkness. Sometimes he was aware, time ticking on slowly as he sat alone in a place he wasn’t even sure existed in reality but other times it passed like he was sleeping.

Sleeping. Maybe he was sleeping.

If he was he didn’t like it. It was like he was waiting, sitting there and waiting but for what he had no idea. He hoped it was Aqua or Terra, because Ven missed more then he knew how to say but he had a sinking feeling he wasn’t waiting for them. It was definitely someone, he just wasn’t sure who.

It was strange. Ven wasn’t scared of the darkness around him; for the most part it was fairly comforting to be where he was. It was the images that could scare him. He _knew_ they weren’t real, he didn’t know why but he knew they weren’t. Maybe it was however he was still connected to the reality of his world that made him see what he did in this world.

Dreams, they were sort of like dreams where he could see his friends, the people he cared for even though he had no idea where they really were. He didn’t even know if dream was a good word for it, but it was all he had. They weren’t always bad but they absolutely weren’t always good. When the darkness would lighten up around him, Ven never knew what he was getting.

Sometimes he’d see Terra first, off far in the distance. Ven would run, feet sliding against the marble floor underneath him hoping that this time someone came for him. He could never get too close though not before he realized it wasn’t Terra, not really at least. It wasn’t even the hair or the eyes that gave it away; it was look of hatred on his face that always made Ven slide to a stop. Terra never looked at Ven, not even a passing glance really. Terra was almost always facing Aqua and really that’s how Ven knew. Terra would never look at Aqua like that. No matter what happened, Ven knew that for a fact.

Even worse than being stuck here alone was having to watch Aqua fight in vain against the person who was her best friend. Ven would try to shout and try to help but he found he could never move let alone be able to summon his keyblade in this place. It made him want to be sick to see Terra put his hands on her neck, in a way Ven knew Terra would never do, not in a million years.

Ven would beg them to stop, tears burning his eyes because this was so wrong. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. Only then would Aqua see him. She’d only smile in that way that she did and tell him to run. Ven never wanted to, he didn’t, but he would turn and do as she said only to find himself face to face with Master Eraqus. His smile would be kind, and his hand warm on Ven’s shoulder and for a moment he’d feel better. It would only last a second before his master would fade away.

Sometimes it would be Aqua who would be waiting for him, smiling, unscratched and her arms open. He could never reach her though. Every time Ven tried she’d be swarmed with monsters so much that even Aqua, the strongest person he knew would be thrown down. There was nothing he could do before she was gone and Ven was left back in darkness, only taunts and ridicule in his ears.

He’d lay down on the marble, eyes clenched shut and his hands on his head as he tried to make it stop, to just stop. It wasn’t true. His friends were safe, they had to be safe.

The silence would be refreshing after he had to go through dreams like that.

Sometimes he saw people he didn’t even know. It wasn’t bad, it was just unusual. A red headed girl and a silver haired boy were the most common. Ven would stand up when he saw them a swell of familiarity in his chest like he knew them but he didn’t at all. Maybe they were like Terra and Aqua, someone’s best friends. It seemed right, but Ven honestly wasn’t sure of much here.  

On stranger days he’d see someone who looked uncannily like him lingering off in the distance. Ven would try to reach the boy but he always seemed to vanish before Ven could get close enough. Sometimes there was a girl he knew was somehow connected to that boy, but she was almost like a ghost; gone before Ven could even blink. They were different, almost like they were here too somewhere and not just like he was outside looking in. There was another red head who showed up every so often; a boy who was connected to them all but wasn’t here. Though Ven was almost sure he knew the red head from somewhere; he could never place it, and thinking too hard about it almost always gave him a headache.

Ven didn’t know anything about where he was or what was going on but sometimes it was nice to not feel so alone here.

He blinked open his eyes, unsurprisingly faced with more darkness. He groaned as he sat up. He wasn’t really sure how much time had passed this time though it was impossible to track any sort of time here he supposed. It could’ve been five minutes, it could’ve been five years.

He tried not to think about that.

Something flickered off in the distance that made him perk up. It was still fairly dark, but even then he knew that shade of green, the silver that sparkled, and the star shape. His wayfinder.

Ven was on his feet and running before he even really knew it. He thought he lost it since it wasn’t on him like it always used to be. Maybe just this time he could reach something in the distance here. It wasn’t a person right? Maybe it was really there, some connection to his friends.

His shoe scuffed against the ground making him to lose his balance. Ven flailed for a moment, trying to catch himself before he fell but two hands grabbed onto his chest, pulling him back into a warm body. He looked up to see blue eyes and blue hair.

“Aqua,” Ven said, unable to hold his grin back; though when he glanced back to where his wayfinder had been, it was gone.

“Be more careful,” she said with a smile, leaning her head down to nudge against his and making him laugh.

These were the times he liked the best, the times everything seemed okay again. She always knew how to make him feel better even if she didn’t know she was doing it. Just being around Aqua was soothing, comforting. He used to like to fall asleep in her room just because she put him at ease so well. It was a kind word, a gentle touch, a sweet presence; Aqua was always there to take care of him. He missed her so much.

He wanted to turn around and hug her so that maybe she’d stay longer with him but a figure in the distance caught his eye.

Ven would know that stature and hair anywhere. Terra had always been tall for as long as Ven could remember, always had strong arms and broad shoulders. Terra was the epitome of strength but he was still so kind and gentle too. The person Ven looked up to the most, the one he wished he was more like. He started to move towards where Terra had his back to them but Aqua tensed up, holding Ven a little closer to her.

He didn’t really have to ask to know why. He could already see the slight fog that almost seemed to encase Terra, the way his hair wasn’t the right color, his stance to harsh and hard. “It’s not him, is it?” Ven asked, his voice even seeming small to him.

“No, it’s not.”

If Ven already felt bad, looking up to see Aqua and just seeing how her usually bright eyes were so stricken and sad made him feel even worse. She must’ve noticed he was watching her because she looked down, a sudden smile on her face. Leave it to Aqua to always make others feel better before herself.

“It’s not, but I promise he’s still there.”

“How do you know?”

She moved her hands to Ven’s sides, pressing her fingers down in such a way that he suddenly started to laugh. He tried to squirm away from her but Aqua was just as strong as Terra was.

“Because,” she said, leaning her head down slightly against Ven’s; it was comforting. “I know Terra better than anyone. He doesn’t ever give up a fight. I know he’s still there.” She paused for a moment, looking down at Ven. “I can still feel him. Can you?”

Ven closed his eyes, searching inside himself for something, anything. He felt hands grab at his waist but it wasn’t Aqua this time, the hands were bigger, stronger almost. His feet left the ground as he was picked up almost effortlessly. He waited to open his eyes till he was sitting up on shoulders, two hands holding onto his legs.

He was sitting much higher than he was before, looking out over the expanse in front of him. The other Terra was gone from the distance but when Ven looked down he saw a much more familiar face glancing up at him. This Terra had the right brown hair, familiar blue eyes and a amused look on his face as he tried to look up while he was carrying Ven .

Ven felt smaller, younger, like when he first came to live with Terra and Aqua, when they showed him what having friends felt like. “There you are,” Ven said, kicking his feet against Terra’s chest some.

He laughed and like when Aqua did, it was so nice to hear; Ven thought he’d never get sick of it. “I’m never too far,” Terra said. He turned his head a little, one hand leaving Ven’s leg to extend out to the side.

Aqua took Terra’s hand in hers, wrapping her other arm around his, her head leaning in so it bumped against Ven’s leg a little. He was hit but such a familiar sensation of just being…well, at home really.

This is how it should be but this isn’t how it was, not really.

“You feel like you are. You and Aqua,” Ven said. “I don’t even know where I am. I don’t know how you can find me.”

“We’ll always find you,” Aqua said. “The both of us will.”

Terra nodded in agreement. “Always.”

Ven didn’t know what it was but he chose to believe it. He wanted to talk to them, to tell them all the things he thought about here, to make sure they were okay, but he couldn’t open his mouth. His voice didn’t come and suddenly the warmth was gone and he was falling.

He tried to catch his breath as he felt the wind get ripped right out of him as his friends were gone and he’d hit the floor any second. His friends were gone again. Why couldn’t they stay? Why was he here alone? Why?

A hand reached out to grab Ven’s, halting his fall completely. He didn’t recognize the hand and the image of the person was blurry; he couldn’t see past brown hair and blue eyes but a face too young to be Terra.

Ven was on the ground again, staring up at darkness. Nothing, there was nothing. With a sigh he extended his hand out, only to see the green and silver wayfinder poking out from in between his fingers. He brought it up to his chest, holding it close under both his hands. Even if he felt like he was, he knew he wasn’t ever really alone.

“Please,” he whispered to no one and to everyone. “Please find me.”


	3. Aqua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Terra/Aqua (with lots of brot3), Kingdom Hearts  
> Setting: Any time from the end of Birth by Sleep to before III  
> Rating: K  
> Words: 2404

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one. She’s a character that holds so much love and devotion that it was so sweet to try and portray how she’d feel ;-; I also find her feelings to be a little more obvious so of course that means I get to wrote the otp a little more ;3 I wrote this to be the second one but considering it has a little more of a determined ending and that I think she’ll be the first to be saved in 3 it seemed more appropriate to end with her. Thank you guys for taking the time to read these! I know it’s a little unusual writing coming from me haha but it was my first out pouring of feels and love for this series so every like, comment, or reblog has meant a lot to me <3

 

Aqua didn’t like to sleep. She used to back when her bed was warm, when her body was pleasantly exhausted from long training days, and when she knew she’d have the sun to wake her up. But she didn’t have any of that here.

It was only dark, cold, and lonely. Sometimes she could forget when she had to fight her way out of an area and just focus on her own combat but mostly it was just endless walking through dreamlike worlds that were anything but pleasant. Even the brighter, so called prettier places she stumbled into were sickeningly sweet, deep layers of darkness seeping through.

She supposed she didn’t even really have to sleep here; time passed differently, her body didn’t age even when she knew years and years had gone by. Maybe it was just habit but sometimes she just wanted to lay down and rest. It wasn’t always safe so Aqua didn’t do it often or even for a long time but there was something reassuring about knowing she could at least still sleep, something was still normal in a sense.

Usually this place caused only nightmares, fitful bursts of sleep that only reminded her of all the ways she failed the people who meant the most to her, how she lost them. Even if deep down she knew that wasn’t the case when their golden eyes, not the bright blue she knew they should be, were staring down at her it was hard not to feel the heartache of losing the people she loved. Those times she’d wake up even more tired than before.

It was never a peaceful sleep as nothing was exactly peaceful in the Realm of Darkness yet sometimes she was given a small reprieve. Whether it was some sort of magic having pity on her or just a fluke, she always welcomed seeing the rolling green grass of the fields on the world she used to call home.

Sometimes it felt so real she often worried she wandered into yet another illusion meant to trick her but even in the darkest of places, they couldn’t mimic the way the fresh air smelt out in the fields, blue sky endlessly overhead, the way the morning dew felt against her skin as she laid in the grass. Those were all cherished memories she’d never give up.

She blinked up at the rising sun, casting the clouds with bright colors. Her fingers curled into the grass under her, feeling the ground underneath, so familiar and so…so alive. It wasn’t too uncommon for her to feel a part of her dreams, probably an effect to all the magic that surrounded her at all times. Aqua sighed, the brisk air blowing over her; instead of feeling cold, she just felt relief. She knew it was a dream, just in her memories but it was all she had left here.

“Morning,” a gruff but familiar voice said from nearby.

A jolt shot through her body, both from surprise that she wasn’t alone and from recognition. It wasn’t the first time she dreamt about Terra, she highly doubted it would be the last, but she never knew which one she was gonna get. The worst times were when he had his familiar face but his eyes were hard and cold, no recognition when he looked at her. Even though she knew it was just an illusion the darkness summoned up to torment her, seeing him like that made her stomach sink and twist in ways she nearly couldn’t bear.

When Aqua turned her head she saw him sitting nearby, his blue eyes watching her, his brown hair blowing slightly in the wind. He had his legs crossed in front of him, hands placed in the grass behind him so he could lean back.  The sight alone made relief fill her body; he wasn’t real, she knew that, but it didn’t make her stomach flutter any less at the sight of him. He looked the same as he always did; unruly hair, broad shoulders, crystal blue eyes, tanned skin, passive face, strong arms, and careful hands. Though, she remembered when he was all skin and bones, just a wide eyed kid who always managed to get into trouble due to his curiosity and temper. Terra was her oldest friend, her rival and her constant companion.

Aqua didn’t know if she wanted to cry or hug him and possibly not let go. She settled on neither as she sat up. “What’re you doing here?”

A smug smile pulled at his lips. He didn’t smile a lot leading up to their exam and it made her heart ache; she loved the way his smile used to brighten his whole face. Even now, it wasn’t a full smile but it still was enough to have to bite at her own lips as to not grin back.

“Waiting for you, dummy.” He reached a hand over to ruffle the top of her head, like he used to when he started to get taller than her. It infuriated her then, now it was just a longing sort of comfort.

“Where did I go?” The question didn’t quite make sense even as she said it. It’s not like she didn’t know, but the words were still spoken.

His face fell just a little; someone who hadn’t known him as long as she had might not’ve even noticed. “I wish I knew.” Terra dropped his hand from her head, brushing his fingers over her cheek as he did. He had grown from a scrawny boy, to a man of brute strength and power. He looked intimating from his sharp features and sheer size, nor did he ever pull punches with her, learning from a young age she could take it just fine. Yet, there was still a gentleness in him. His hands were still the ones who carefully mended her injuries when she got hurt so they didn’t have to tell Master they were playing in areas they were told not to go in; they were the ones that kept an eye on Ven when he fell sick with a fever, making sure he stayed cool when his head was flushed.

“Do you miss me?” she asked, though again she knew it was a stupid question; it wasn’t really him. She didn’t know where he was, if he was still him really. If she’d really ever see him or Ven again.

Terra didn’t say anything, which shouldn’t have surprised her; he was never the best with words, let alone words expressing his emotions. She was just about to let it go, feeling stupid for even asking, when he leaned in to press his lips to hers.

Oh. _Oh._ It was this dream. One not fueled by memories but by her hidden desires and words left long unsaid.

She could feel the warmth radiating off his body, the way his hair fell in her face, how soft his lips were as they moved against hers. It was familiar in a way as the dream happened often; the darkness seemed to like to remind of the things that would never be. Even if he was really here, she knew Terra never thought of her like she thought of him, especially not after all the things she said to him.

Aqua pushed all that away, reaching her hands up into his hair to kiss him back. In the back of her mind she knew she shouldn’t indulge herself; it only made waking up alone worse. Yet, he didn’t just look like Terra, he felt like him. It was his thick hair under her fingers, his ever warm body up against her; he could even feel the calluses on his fingers when he reached down to her waist.

In one swift move, as effortlessly as only Terra could, he picked her up just enough so she could slide down onto his lap. She let her legs fall on either side of his, her hands still tangled in his hair and her lips never leaving his. He even smelt like Terra; the scent of a cool day outside, of carelessness, of freedom. It was comforting, soothing. Despite the heat she was feeling now pressed up against him, chills went down her spine when he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in even closer.

It was an overwhelming sense of safety, of being home. No matter what happened, what had happened, what will happen when she was with Terra, her Terra; she felt safe. She trusted him with her life. She just wished she could tell him that. Take back the things she said when she was scared and really tell him.

His fingers brushed over the bare skin of her back as he pulled away, his warm breath on her face. Blue eyes met hers, a smile she hadn’t seen on his face in such a long time.

Aqua wanted to cry.

He must’ve noticed because his forehead furrowed like it did whenever he was worried. “What’s wrong?” he murmured.

She rubbed her thumb against his temple. “Master used to say you’d get wrinkles like him if you kept doing that.”It used to make Terra groan as a kid, but when Master Eraqus gave Terra that knowing smile, he always ended up trying not to let his grin break through.

He snorted but it didn’t stop the intense look in his eyes, his hands flattening on her back in a comforting way.

There was so much she wanted to say; words of apologies, of reassurance, of how she really felt but there was no point. Her words wouldn’t be able to find his heart here. Instead she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, carefully, gently, like she had wanted to for longer than she cared to admit. His fingers pushed into her back as he kissed her back with such an intensity only he could bring. It took her breath away.

Well that was until she heard a gagging noise nearby.

Aqua’s head snapped up as Terra turned his. Ven was standing off to the side still mimicking throwing up but not without an amused smile. She wanted to be embarrassed like she probably would’ve been if he caught them in a compromising situation but she was just so happy to see the blond boy’s face it didn’t even matter.

Terra on the other hand didn’t seem too phased, not even bothering to move. “You’re not always gonna think it’s gross, you know.”

“No,” Ven shrugged. “But it’s always gross when it’s you guys. It’s like watching my parents make out.” He stuck his tongue out like he had tasted something really bad.

“Are you gonna sit down or what?”

Ven gave that grin of his that only made her heart clench. He started to walk the short distance to them while she moved so she could sit back down on the grass; though she admittedly missed the warmth Terra brought. Ven plopped himself down next to her, so close their legs were bumping into each other.

It wasn’t how it always was. For a long time it was just her, Terra, and their master. Despite their small family, it wasn’t ever quiet and it wasn’t ever boring growing up; she was content with what she had. Yet when Ven came along, it was just like he always belonged with them too. He was younger and always eager to please, like a little brother neither of them ever had. It was different than with Terra, even when they were Ven’s age. She always wanted to be equal with Terra, to always be on the same level as him, to share the same things with him but with Ven she felt a strong desire to protect him, to save his sunny disposition from the hard world around them.

It was all she could feel when he was next to her even now, mixed with the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach knowing she failed him.

Terra reached behind her so he could put his hand on Ven’s head, ruffling his hair like Terra had done to Aqua earlier. Unlike her, Ven always liked the sign of affection from the older boy. Ven laughed and leaned in, resting his head on Aqua’s shoulder. Terra leaned his arm around her shoulders but left his hand on Ven’s head. She opened her hand in her lap, which Ven took a hold of quickly as she left her other hand on Terra’s leg.

That was better. It was much warmer again. She couldn’t remember the last time the three of them were so close, not just in the same room but actually close. It used to be not too uncommon for any of them to find comfort with one another but her and Terra stopped sharing that physical closeness long ago. Ven still snuck into one of their rooms periodically but the three of them like this? Before the exam, probably, it was all a haze though.

Aqua started to feel dizzy, like the world was spinning even though she was sitting down. She closed her eyes but still let out a sigh of contentment. “My boys,” she breathed. “I miss you so much.”

She expected Ven to agree, and Terra to tease them both for being too sappy, but there was no response. She opened her eyes quickly, hoping everything was still okay. Instead of green grass and sunshine, all she saw was rocks and dirt, that dark gloomy fog covering anything lurking in the distance.

She pushed herself up from the ground, her eyes falling to the rocky terrain she had been trying to rest on. Aqua was about to force herself up to her feet when she saw small wet splotches on the patch of ground below her. It was cold down here, cold and lonely. It had been fake, just a dream and yet, every part of her missed them like they had been just ripped away from her all over again.

She sighed and forced herself to her feet before reaching up to wipe eyes. She could feel her wayfinder against her as she started to walk down the only path the Realm of Darkness gave her today, an ever reminder of why she did what she did.

She’d do it all over again if it meant they’d be safe.

 


End file.
